Discipline - Mom

 Discipline - Mom's and Dad's back 'in the day' had a little different version of discipline than we do now. If I screwed up when i was 10, there was a possibility of some sort of pain, really no big deal, just something to make you straighten up, and think that what you just did was maybe not a good idea. One good example would be my Mom and her flying slipper. My Mom was amazing back then. She could talk on the phone with the grace and elegance of British Royalty...all this while my brothers and I were beating the crap out of each other and making all sorts of noise. Hers was her special skill...and we always had ample warning. She would be chatting elegantly on the phone, smiling, laughing and her first attempt to 'shush' us would be to raise her hand above her head, if we did not get quiet (and we never did), she would begin to snap her fingers, very loudly, and give us a stern look, all the while laughing and chuckling with her friend on the phone, it was like a ballet really...and of course she would still not get the results she was looking for (which was a little peace and quiet). When it got to this point, she added yet another item to her juggling act. While talking on the phone with the grace and courtesy or royalty, and while snapping her fingers and looking at us very sternly, she was able to (in one fluid motion) remove her slipper, rear back and fire that slipper across the room, with the accuracy of an Olympic Biathlon Sharpshooter. Distance did not matter.  5 paces or 20 paces, she could fling that slipper and hit you right upside the head, and we were startled and realized at that very second, It was time to stop. (for now).
Mom's other form of discipline was the wooden spoon. "if you don't stop, you are going to get The Wooden Spoon" Sounds savage doesn't it? It wasn't. I think the Wooden Spoon evolved for a simple reason. When you have six kids...and all their friends over, all the time, you tend to spend a lot of the time cooking (as my Mom did) so a good percentage of the time, she happened to have a wooden spoon in her hand. Not very often did we every find out what "getting the wooden spoon" meant, but knowing what she could do with a slipper, we couldn't even imagine what she would do with a wooden spoon. Just the threat was enough to make us stop. However there was one time, I remember my brother Donny 'getting' the Wooden Spoon. Needless to say it broke. Needless to say, back in those days you could have taken a 2 x 4 upside Don's head and it would have broken in two, so a wooden spoon was harmless.
Than there was the famous swearing incident. We were taught never to swear. We didn't (too much). My Mom said it was filthy. She said if we did she would wash our mouth out with soap. It was kind of an idle threat, kind of like the wooden spoon. We never really believed she would do it. Than came that special day. I think I was about 13 at the time. I swore in front of my Mom. I said "bugger"  i.e ...that little bugger was bothering me. Yes, apparently back than, that was a swear word, and now my Mom heard it, and I had forced her hand. Could she carry out the famous idle threat...it was like an old Clint Eastwood movie, was she going to reach for the soap, or not...we stared each other down, the tumbleweeds rolled by in the background...I stared at her, chewing on my toothpick (ok I made the toothpick part up)...it was dead silent, finally she made her move (she had to save face), she said Michael, go to the bathroom. I had no idea what was about to happen. She turned on the water, lather up the soap a bit, and said, 'open up' and I did...and the only thing I can remember is...it wasn't that bad, it tasted a lot like Thrills chewing gum and as the years have gone by, I now know, that was a lot harder on her, than it ever was on me.
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